Written By: Helaina Flowers
Being bullied isn't easy. Living with the aftermath is like living in a constant hell of self-hatred and torment from others. The demons in your mind swirl and darken your unique and beautiful mind. I was bullied since I was 5 years old. I was a very sweet and loving little girl. Very bubbly and talkative, but when other kids started making fun of me I started to doubt myself. As I got older and the bullying continued, I stopped talking to everyone. I changed my clothing style from bright radiant colors to only dark depressing colors such as black or gray. I had long wavy golden blonde and red hair, but because of being teased I cut it all off and dyed it black. I stopped eating and drinking. I had absolutely no idea I was depressed, suicidal and suffered from two eating disorders.
Being that young you don't understand nor do you fully grasp the idea of who you really are. Only when I was in my senior year of high school did I realize I was better then what my bullies called me. I didn’t need to hurt myself because I am better than the words that was said. I look back now as I write this that I lost 5 years of my life due to the self-hatred and pain I endured. There is a beautiful side to this though. I am so strong now. I know I don’t need the validation nor affection of others to make me feel better about myself. The only love I need is the love and acceptance of my own body and mind. Only I can fix the damage that was thrown at me and so far it’s been messy and extremely hard. But all in all, I can see the light finally that things will get better.
This is one of our new self-help resources available to our Ambassador community. Here we will feature the thoughts, questions, and insight of the our fellow Ambassadors. You can even leave comments of encouragement or feedback to fellow Ambassadors that may be having a tough time.